I don’t really feel like blogging today. I don’t really feel like doing anything. I’m having a difficult time, but I think getting this all out there may help me to feel better.
Over the past few months I’ve gained about 7 pounds. To me, this is a big deal. I’m really upset about it. What’s even more frustrating is when people say “you have not!” or “but you look great!” Yes, those are nice comments and I do appreciate people’s kindness; however, I know my body. I can read my scale and my clothes not fitting is not because they shrunk in the dryer. I’m not sure what’s going on with me, but I’m gaining weight like crazy.
I’ve been a bit more stressed lately and I do eat more when I’m stressed. The other issue I have is that I don’t like anything healthy. At all. Nothing. The healthiest thing I like is probably turkey. I can’t eat vegetables. I will gag. Like CAN.NOT.EAT.THEM. Fruit is okay. I can handle some fruits, but they don’t fill me up and they are not easily accessible. (ie: snacking at work)
So anyway, I was pretty close to tears driving into work today after not being able to button my pants and noticing my shirt fit tighter than I remembered. I didn’t want to come to work, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and most of all I didn’t want anyone to see me. I feel like I have a big sign on my back that says “I’VE GAINED 7 POUNDS!!” I’m not going to say I stopped my pity party completely – as you can see, I’m whining. But I did decide that diet coke HAS GOT TO GO. I truly think it makes you hungry. I have been drinking way too much of it lately and even after eating a huge meal, I’m still hungry. I blame the diet coke. I’m not going to let it control me anymore!! Sounds silly but diet coke is an addiction to me and I’ve got to end it! So, this morning when I got to work, I had some crystal light lemonade. And guess what? I’m still alive! It didn’t kill me! I just have to stick it out.
Also, this morning, I took the 5 flights of stairs to my floor instead of the elevator. Boy am I out of shape. My calves were burning by level 3. Ridiculous. And I’m going to start exercising. This is a must. My friend is giving me her treadmill and I’m going to get it this weekend. I cannot wait. I need this! I think it will really help my mood and my weight. Bottom line is – I’m depressed about this, to the point where I’m having dreams about gaining weight BUT there are things I can do about it. I’m not all happy go lucky right now but I know that I can feel better if I just make the effort.
I know this was probably boring for all of you to read, but I feel much better just having “said” it all. I can’t wait to feel like myself again. Right now though, I still want to go back home and crawl under the covers.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." -Phil 4:13
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