Be careful what you pray for...

**Caution: If you are easily grossed out you probably don't want to read this.**

Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it...

First let me apologize if this post makes no sense. I am on a lot of pain meds and it's very hard to type but I want to fill y'all in.

Thursday night I prayed to be more like my old self. Lately I have just been really down and maybe even a bit depressed. I haven't been playing with Madi as much and I haven't been a very nice wife. I prayed for God to help me be a better mother and wife and to help get me out of my depression. I prayed He would help me feel like myself again.

Friday morning when I went to get into my car my nose started gushing blood. I'm talking like pouring blood. So I asked Justin to get me a towel, he went inside and got me a few paper towels. Not gonna work buddy! He had to get me a big towel so I could get inside without getting blood everywhere. I stayed in our downstairs bathroom for 20 minutes just pouring blood from my mouth and nose. Finally Justin called 911 and an ambulance arrived 20 minutes later. At that point a clot had formed so I wasn't bleeding. The paramedics saw that my bathroom looked like a crime scene, saw my face, and decided I definitely needed to to go the hospital. The minute I got into the ambulance my nose started bleeding again.  I coughed up blood clots from my mouth. It was awful. The paramedic was even about to get sick!!

So VERY long story short - I soaked 3 towels at home, over 10 cloths in the ambulance and 4 of those huge throw up buckets in the hospital. The worst part was coughing up the HUGE blood clots out of my throat. It was awful. I have never been so scared in my life. None of the nurses knew what to do. I felt like a freak show. Everyone who walked in just stopped and stared. I threw up and had blood coming out of my nose for about 3 hours straight. The hospital called their on-call ENT and she arrived very quickly and said I needed to go to the OR for surgery immediately. She was the nicest person and a great doctor. They got me back to the OR in about 30 minutes. To stop the bleeding she had to cauterized the tissues in my nose and spray surgical foam. She also pumped 100 cc's (about the amount in a coke can) of blood out of my stomach.

She said it looked like I had started bleeding Thursday night in my sleep which filled my entire right sinus with blood, made a clot from my nose to my throat and when I bent down the next morning the clot broke.

I was in recovery for about 2 hours. On the way home I had a seizure. Justin was driving and of course knew what to do since he has them. He took all the proper precautions and called the ER nurse as well. She said it was most likely due to the loss of blood and dehydration. I do not remember the seizure at all. I wouldn't have known if Justin hadn't told me. Then at home I fainted 3 times on the way to the bathroom which is only 15 ft away from our couch.

Needless to say yesterday was quite the ordeal. I drank a lot of water yesterday to prevent any more seizures or fainting. Today I feel worse, but I'm sure that's to be expected. My abs are KILLING me! I bet I have a 6 pack now from using those muscles yesterday! Ha! My meds don't seem to be working either but I've just been resting a lot and hopefully things will be back to normal soon.

But back to the moral of my story - I honestly feel like God answered my pray by having this traumatic event occur yesterday. I don't see how anyone could go through what I went through and not look at life differently. Not to say that I was *close* to dying but I could have aspirated and essentially died. I thought about staying home Friday morning because I didn't feel well and if I had I would have stayed in bed and who knows. All I know is that God had a plan and I really feel like everything happens for a reason. I am sure I will be a better mother and wife now.

Not to say this doesn't SUCK! No Carowinds this weekend, no Usher this weekend, I haven't eaten in 2 days and I hear a constant pounding in my ear. But, it is what is and I'm happy I am no longer bleeding!! My husband is taking great care of me and it is really helping to be in such great care.

Thanks for reading this insanely long post! Xoxo!