Wednesday, June 20, 2012

6 years.

Dear Dad,
I know it’s kind of weird for me to write you a letter since I know you can’t read it. I just feel like it’s something I need to do. Today is the 6th anniversary of your death. (Anniversary is such a joyful word; I hate to use it in this context.) I was fine this morning, and then I got in my car at lunch time to mail some things and it just all hit me and I started crying. I wish so badly that I could pick up the phone and talk to you. I wish I could hear you say “hey kid” just like you always did. I wish you could see your granddaughter. She is beautiful, smart, and funny. You would love her. I don’t know what kind of relationship y’all would have. I’ve actually never seen you with a baby or a little kid other than with A. But I do know you would be proud of her. I wonder what you would have wanted her to call you? No idea. I wish I knew.

I want you to know that I wish I had listened to you. You know what I’m talking about. That one subject that you talked to me about all the time. I really wish I had listened to you, like you wish you had listened to your dad. We live and we learn I guess.

I remember holding your hand as you left us. I remember how it felt to feel your soul leave your body. I remember how peaceful you looked. I’m so glad you are no longer suffering. God knew what He was doing, as He always does. I would have loved to have 6 more years with you, but knowing that you are no longer in pain helps me feel at ease.

I know we didn’t have the relationship we would have wanted with each other, but I love you and I miss you so very much. You were my friend and the person I could go to with my problems and thoughts. I hope you are up in Heaven playing your guitar and munching on potato sticks. I know the angels would love to hear your music.

I love you dad.

Brittan

7 comments:

Katie said...

I dont know the story of your father passing away and I dont really know much about you, but this post made me tear up. I thankfully have not lost either of my parents so I dont really have encouraging or helpful words to offer, but just wanted you to know your letter to your dad touched me and really made me think.

Im sure he is watching over you and his granddaughter! :)

Lindsey @ Let the Light Shine said...

I'm sorry you're having such a tough day. I know your dad would be proud of you and sweet Madi! Love you both!

meghan said...

This was a very sweet letter Brittan. I'm so sorry you're having a hard day. I feel like the letter must have been a nice way to get things off of your chest. :)

Amanda said...

What a sweet letter to your daddy! I can't imagine how painful this time is but I'm so sorry for you. Thanks for sharing! XO

Irene Buffa said...

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Amber said...

This is very sweet, and made me get so sad for you all. Hang on to those precious memories! It's hard to imagine that life can be so suddenly gone and this post was a good reminder to me to enjoy the moments - even the tough moments. Your little Madi is cuter than ever - glad to be back to blogging! Have a good weekend!!

Amber said...

Aww, this is so sweet. I'm sure your dad would be so proud of both you and Madi! <3

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