Sunday, November 24, 2013

Divorce 411.

If there is one thing I've learned about being divorced it's that you have to be flexible. Does it suck? Absolutely.

I don't want to give Madi her birthday presents a day early. I don't want to celebrate two days early. I don't want to miss out on spending the whole day with her on her actual birthday. BUT is it best for her if I do all those things? Yes. So I do it.

For Christmas - it's the same thing. I have to spend half the day without her while celebrating Christmas with others who would love to see Madi. But again, that's not what's best for her. Spending time with her dad is equally important in her growth as a child. It's a fact actually. And even more so for girls.

Studies and statistics have shown just how important fathers are to all children in general, but this is especially true for little girls.

· Toddlers securely attached to fathers are better at solving problems.
· Six-month old babies score higher on tests of mental development if their dads are involved in their lives.
· Girls whose fathers provide warmth and control achieve higher academic success.
· Girls who are close to their fathers exhibit less anxiety and withdrawn behaviors. 
Source found here
And that's just a snippet of the vast amount of statistics on the importance of a father's role in his daughters life.

And let me just say, just because Madi doesn't live with her dad and her mom in the same house (because, we all know that was a disaster) doesn't mean she can't get the needed contact with both parents. That's where that term flexibility comes into play and my feelings go out the window. And I'm okay with that.

So, even though I would love to hog all the time in the world with my daughter, what I want more than anything is for her to grow up to be the best she can be. And that entails her seeing her father as much as possible. 

I guess the reason I'm writing all this is to let other mothers who are dreading the holidays without their kids to know that 1) you're not alone 2) you're doing the right thing by putting your child ahead of your own desires and 3) she (or he) will thank you for it one day. That I can promise you.

I lived with my step-father and mom from the age of 5 and although my step-father played a huge role in my growth, I appreciated the times I had with my dad. I resented the times that time was taken away and don't want that for my daughter.

Her birthday will be special regardless of where she spends it because she's a healthy, happy almost-5 year old. Same for Christmas. 

I'm off to wrap birthday presents now. :)



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