Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Being fake is not for me

I wrote this in my private blog but then decided I think everyone should be able to read this. It's nothing I need to keep private. So here ya go:

This whole "YOU are the only one who can make you have a bad day" thing is crap. I gave myself a pep talk earlier tonight - full on read a freaking self-help article on how to believe that I deserve to be happy. Then less than an hour later I am upset. If other people - words they say, looks they give, etc. - didn't affect a person then why does it matter what anyone does or says? Because that's BS and it does matter.

This is going to be vague but I portray myself how I want others to see me and in my case I show the TRUTH. I don't sugar coat anything. If anything, I drown it in grease. (get it? That's supposed to be the opposite of sugar…) I make myself sound worse than I actually am. Why? I have no idea; but, I do it. I've always done it.

Many, many people portray that they have a wonderful, amazing marriage/family life on social media by commenting on their spouse's page every day and posting sweet-nothing statuses. Many, many people post statuses about how hard they work and how much time they spend with their kids. I'd be willing to bet at least 50% of that is fake. It's a cover-up. It's what they wish their lives would be like. And I place no fault on those people because who doesn't want to be happy? Who doesn't like to pretend like their life is a little bit better than it actually is?

But don't look down on me because I don't do that. I honestly don't. I'm one of those people who air my dirty laundry TOO MUCH. I know it. I try to tame it down but I've always had a problem with people being fake and I refuse to pretend to be happy/sad/etc if I'm feeling a different way.

I'm harder on myself than I should be. So rinse off some of that grease before you think you understand what's going on with me. Most likely I'm better at things than I say I am, I eat more healthy things than I say I do, and I'm less negative than I claim to be.

Now I can go to sleep.


Unknown said...

Honesty is important, no matter how often. I wish some days I was more honest. I tend to introvert when things aren't great so I do tend to post mostly positive stuff, but that doesn't make it less honest. I have been trying to be less censored in blogging and find myself getting stuck. Maybe I'll try to take a page out of your book. I certainly admire your honesty though.

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