Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Gnawing & all that...

"Oh yeah, I do that too." 

Oh? You do?
You have been to the ER?
You have bit them until they bled and then kept biting? 
You can't wash your hair because your fingertips are sore?
You can't button your pants because your fingertips are sore?
You ignore your child who is requesting your attention because you CANNOT stop yet?
You don't answer people because you cannot stop yet? 
You sit in your car and have to finish biting before you get out, even if that means you will be late?
You cry as you endure the pain of disinfecting the mess you have made of your nails and skin? 
You have prayed, actually prayed, that one day you will be able to stop?
You have had people slap your hands out of your mouth? 
You have talked to a therapist about how to stop?
You have torn the skin off around your nail beds until you could see the pink in your fingers?
Your two front teeth are loose from biting?
You have cried while confiding in your husband that all you want is to be able to stop but it's just IMPOSSIBLE? 

No. Most likely you have not. So now you know. Now you know that when I say in causal conversation that I bite my nails (usually in response to see my rings or something on my hands) it is not because I occasionally nibble on my nails and heaven forbid you see my hang nail. It's because my nails and fingers are DISGUSTING and I'm trying to spare you.  If you actually answered yes to most of those, I'm sorry. We should talk. 

But 99% of you need to realize that "relating" to me is understanding that we don't have this in common. When you say you do that too, you are belittling my condition. Because instead of saying I bite my nails, I should say I gnaw my nails and the skin around my nails and it's painful and I hate it but I can't stop. 

And yes, my fingers hurt like hell right now.


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