A Letter to NewSpring Church

I posted this on my private blog a few years ago. I feel like this needs to be public now though. I was saved during a service at NewSpring Church so I will always appreciate and hold dear the memories I made there, but that church is not the same without Perry Noble. I initially did not share this publicly in order to protect the church, but I feel like I'm doing a disservice to them by not sharing my experience. I hope this helps the leaders change some things at NewSpring. (ahem...cease on the cliques)

This was initially written to Perry Noble so I'm just going to leave it as it is but essentially it should be to NewSpring Church.

Dear Perry (or whomever actually reads these things):

I don't actually think you will ever see this, as I know you receive hundreds of emails a day, but maybe someone who can make an impact, will see it.

My name is Brittan and I am the girl who flew to Kenya with NewSpring back in June of 2013 and came home immediately after getting there. I'm assuming you heard about this as I'm sure I'm probably the only person in America to ever do such a thing. Getting through Customs certainly wasn't easy. Ha!

I want to tell you that leaving and not following through on my commitment to God's plan for me is the biggest regret of my life.

There has not been one day since I came back that I didn't think about what would have been, had I stayed.

I'm hoping that since you too struggle with anxiety that you will understand what I went through. I had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had, once we got to the hotel in Kenya. I could not use the phone and that was all I wanted to do. It had been 30 hours or so since I talked to my then 4 year old daughter, but it felt like days. I hadn't slept in those 30 hours and I know that had I just gone to sleep and waited to make such a big decision, I wouldn't have left early. But that is not something I can change. And in the midst of a panic attack I wasn't exactly thinking logically. It was a full blown attack - I couldn't breathe, I couldn't focus, I couldn't stop shaking and I was feeling 100% trapped.

My point of this post is to tell you that I love NewSpring. (I was saved at NewSpring in October of 2009 and since then I have seen numerous family and friends be saved.) I truly do. But I think there is room for improvement. Important improvement.

I signed up to go on a trip across the world with a group of people whom I'd never met. We had two meetings before the trip, but those were informational meetings without any encouragement to get to know one another. There were no emails from the leader, as I've heard there have been on other trips. There was no preparation really. The day of the trip, there were no introductions. The trip I went on had a lot of staff and so there were basically cliques - staff, people who had been to Kenya before, and newbies. Staff didn't associate with anyone else. It was very uncomfortable.

So, when we got to Africa, to say I felt alone was an understatement. I did have my cousin with me and thank goodness for her. We did not pray along the way, as a team. We were not given information that some of the staff had (i.e.: safari cards so that panic-ridden people like me could have a phone connection anywhere in Kenya). It was just overall, not a very welcoming environment. I know I wasn't the only person who felt this way either.

When I was having my panic attack, the leader and another staff member were understanding and helpful. I will say that. But once I got home - no one checked on me, no one reached out to see how I was emotionally or spiritually - or if I was okay with my decision. I didn't hear from anyone. To me, this was very disappointing. I realize that 410 Bridge had to jump through some hoops for me and I sincerely appreciate it. But for me to call NewSpring my home and not have anyone show they truly cared about me hurts a little. Actually, it hurts a lot.

The truth is, I want to go back to Kenya some day. I am too embarrassed to probably ever follow through with it, but it was laid on my heart by God and that desire has not gone away. I can't help but think that if the experience leading up to the trip included more spiritual readiness and team work that my trip would have lasted longer than 48 hours of plane rides.

I hope that this information is helpful in preparing for future mission trips and I also hope that you understand that the crazy girl who left Kenya, wasn't actually crazy - just severely anxious and sleep deprived.

My heart is still in Kenya and I thank you for all that NewSpring has done there.

Brittan Morris  (at the time)
Columbia Campus

My hope for you is that you've never been hurt.

I'm linking up with Sarah & Holly for Flash Forward Fun. The idea is to write a letter to our child(ren) for them to read in the future. Fair warning - this post is l-o-n-g. If you make it through, go buy yourself a cookie. 

Sarah & Holly provided some fun prompts so I'm going to do those too, but first the letter.

Dear M (pronounced "em"),
Writing this, I am picturing you - now a young lady, with your long brown hair curled at the ends. I see you with glasses, perhaps just a fashion statement, as you wore when you were 4 years old. You're dolled up in jewelry and wearing a dress, of course. Not pink though. You've moved on from pink. I think your favorite color is now green. 

My hope for you is that you've never been hurt. Unrealistic, yes, but still my hope. I hope you've found something to be passionate about - whether it's school, art, dentistry, or something completely different - I hope you love it. You are strong willed and a fighter so if it's something you want, I have no doubt you'll go after it. 

I want you to have a strong, intense relationship with God and I believe in my heart that you will. At age 4 you were telling me which of your friends you didn't think were Christians. You wanted to invite them to church - and you did. You care for others and I am sure that hasn't changed. I just pray that the events in your life up to this point have not strayed you from your affirmation that God is good. God is always good. The world may not be a nice place sometimes. But God is your refuge. 

I pray about your future husband. I have been since you were 4 years old. I pray that he is a Godly man. I pray he is someone who will love you in the best way. I pray that he is your best friend. You may be with him now. You may be dating, or you may be married. (I'm picturing you reading this when you're 18, so hopefully you are not married yet!!) With that being said, my advice in that area, is to take your time. Take your time getting married. There is no need to rush. Enjoy your twenties. Don't rush to have babies. Spend time alone - getting to truly know who you are: what you like, what you don't like, what you want, what you need. These things are much harder to figure out once you're with someone. I know my Madi girl though - you know this and chances are, you already know exactly who you are. That is something I didn't figure out until I was, well, 29 which is how old I am now. I may not even still have it all figured out. 

So to sum this all up, I hope you have found something you absolutely love, and I hope you do not make the same mistakes I made. I know you still have your determination and your hilarious spirit. You can make anyone laugh at any moment. I hope you are driving your pink & purple VW Beetle and I hope you're working at Aflac with me until you finish Dentistry school. I still have your blankie so come by and smell it anytime. And I'll gladly paint your nails and read you a Berenstain Bears book. 

I love you more than french fries sweet girl. So, so, so much more.

Love always,
Mommy
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Madi is currently 4 years, 10 months old. 

Personality: Madi already acts like she's grown-up so I really don't think her personality will change much at all. She has the best sense of humor. She is witty and sarcastic and laughs all the time! She gets frustrated quickly when she doesn't understand how to do something. 

I think the biggest change in her personality will be that she will open up. She is very shy right now, but I can already see improvement after four days of school!

Food Choices: She will most likely continue to be a picky eater. Hopefully she will branch out more; otherwise, she will be very bored with her food in a year or two. Chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, applesauce and crackers will only get you so far. Gotta at least add cheeseburgers to that list!

Near or Far: I would be very surprised if she moves far away from home once she's on her own. She is very much a family girl. She's surrounded by grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and of course her parents. She is very close with all of us. I think she will go to a local school, perhaps Clemson, if I keep her going in the right direction. ;) She wants to be a dentist and I truly believe that if she has a passion for it, she will become one. She has motivation even at the age of 4. I see big things for her in the future! 

Kids: We have talked a bit about the number of kids she wants. She has said one because any more than that would be too much work. Wow is she right! Guestimating - I predict she'll have three kids. Not sure the reason I think that - just seems right. 

Spirituality: I also must say that I see her love for Jesus only escalating with time. She already has such a solid understanding of who Jesus is and why we worship him. It's truly amazing. I give thanks for that to KidSpring, the children's ministry at my church - NewSpring, and I had a small part in it too. :) I definitely see her plugged in to a church and sharing the message with others. She already does that now! 

Tats, Piercings, & Risk-Taking: I'm saying she'll have no tattoos, no more piercings (she has her ears pierced already), and will be very much a rule follower. She's a dare devil already, but in the amusement park aspect, not the getting into trouble scene. 

Man this was fun but emotional! Link up to join in on the tears predictions of where your kids will be in the future.

16.5 hours of sleep later...

Well, I did go to Target over the weekend. Turns out, when your best friend becomes a mom & you have girl's night it's spent at Buy Buy Baby & Target. I'm not complaining though. We bought some things we desperately NEEDED. 

See?

We also bought make-up and other exciting things like a shower curtain liner & lotion. :) 

We were really excited about our lotion actually. We got the Jergens Natural Glow Firming lotion. I know the glow part works because I've used it for years. I'm anxious to see if the firming part work. It's supposed to reduce the look of cellulite. Not that I, a mother, have any of that. Ha.

I stayed at Carrie's house Saturday night. I needed extra W time.

Sunday morning Carrie, baby W & I went to church at NewSpring. I absolutely love that I can go to my church almost anywhere in SC. I got this awesome shirt there. I'm pretty excited about it.

After church Carrie & I got our nails done and then she had to go to work. We had a great weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed a relaxing time with my BFF! 

Oh and did I forget to mention that on Friday evening I went to bed at 5:30 and didn't get up until 2:30PM on Saturday? 

Yep. 

Birthday Weekend - 29!

My birthday weekend was pretty amazing. For real. I spent it with my favorite adult (I have a favorite kid and a favorite adult). We will call this person A because, well, I just watched some PLL and that's what's on my mind.

Anywho, A had many surprises planned for me this past weekend. Friday night A gave me my birthday present. I LOVE it and will actually do a separate post on it soon. I got a super shiny & pretty SodaStream!!

A cooked me a fabulous dinner of salad, chicken alfredo, & garlic knots. Do y'all know what garlic knots are?? It was the first time I'd ever even heard of them but they were really good! 

Saturday was the day of surprises. That morning A surprised me with a jet ski rental! It was a BEAUTIFUL day on Lake Murray. We had the jet ski for two hours which was the perfect amount of time. We had so so so much fun! Can't really describe it with another word. It was just lots of FUN! I wasn't going to drive it but A convinced me to try driving and let me tell you, I liked having that power! I didn't want to go back to just riding! I'm definitely going to have to get a jet ski one day. I've lived 10 minutes from the lake all my life. It's ridiculous that I don't have one, really. Unfortunately I don't have pictures of this. I didn't take my phone for obvious reasons! 

After fun on the lake I treated myself to a much needed pedicure. There is just something about having someone else massage and clean your feet that is so soothing. Am I right? If you've never had a pedicure, this makes me sad. Go get one. I got my toenails painted a color I saw on Pinterest recently and I LOVE it.

That evening A took me to one of my favorite restaurants, Copper River Grille in Irmo. To my surprise, my best friend & her family along with my cousin Morgan joined us! They all live in Greenville so I wasn't expecting to see them on my birthday. I was very excited and loved that A coordinated it so they could be a part of my birthday! We had a great time at dinner! Seeing Carrie's sweet baby was a huge plus too! I just love me some Weston!!

Love his cheeks!!!

  

Ignore my wrinkled dress. I promise it was ironed!

Morgan gave me this shirt & the earrings! Standard southern girl requirements! 

Sunday morning A & I watched church online (I heart my church! - NewSpring) and A made me a DELICIOUS breakfast of grits & bacon. Those grits were to.die.for. Sunday evening my sweet girl came home and we had some fun playing the Wii together!

Best. Birthday Celebration. EVER. 

29 is going to be a good age! 

Weekend Recap

Friday night Justin and I went to our church's Night of Worship at the Colonial Life Arena. It was amazing how many people came out to worship and pray for 3,000 salvations this weekend! We had a wonderful time.

Saturday we took Madi to Monkey Joe's. She made a friend very quickly and they were just too cute. The little girl tried to help Madi up into the bouncy house and they played constantly after that! It was too cute. I wish I had gotten a picture of them!

I was so proud of her for doing that by herself!

After, we went to Target to do a little shopping and then hung out at home the rest of the evening. Sunday we drove up to Greenville to go to NewSpring's campus there with our friends Carrie & Josh. Morgan met us there too. It was a great service and lunch after was fun too! 

This weekend was busy but so great and I can't wait to find out how many salvations there are after tonight's last service! God is good!

MMM: Prayers & Stinky Feet

Guess what? It's Monday. Don't cry, one good thing about Monday's is a Madi Moment!!

The other night we were driving home and Madi asked me if she could say a prayer. I said yes, stopped the car (I was in a parking lot) and she prayed. She thanked Jesus for keeping her game on while we were in the store. This warmed my heart. The fact that my three year is asking to pray is just awesome!

She also remembered her memory verse she learned at church last Sunday. I'm so proud of her!

Another cute moment this week: We were lying in bed last night and she said "mommy, your feet stink." I said "they do not." We went back and forth a few times and then she said "let's just get going." I said huh? and she said "that's another way of saying let's stop talking about it." Ha! Where does she get this stuff?

Hope y'all have a great Monday - I will - it's my birthday week!!!!  YAY!!

Easter Weekend

This Easter weekend was super busy and super fun!

Saturday afternoon Madi and I went to church so I could help in the nursery for one of the Easter services.  After church we met Morgan for dinner at one of my favorite cheese fry places - Carolina Ale House! It had been way too long since we saw Morgan. We had a great dinner & then Morgan came to spend the night with us. Morgan and I stayed up "late" (for us - 10:30pm!) watching a movie, but mostly catching up. I just love spending time with her! 

Sunday, Easter morning, Madi opened her Easter basket and then Morgan & I went to the early service at church. Church was wonderful! The music was very moving and just wonderful and the message was great too. My Easter morning was off to a great start...but as I've mentioned before, holidays are not my favorite because with my family, there is almost always drama. This year was no exception; however, my brother and I made the best of it and all was okay! 

After lunch on Sunday Justin & I took Madi to the playground and then went home for some lazy time. M & I had sore throats so it was what we needed!

The pictures are probably more fun to look at than reading this so here ya go:

The Easter Bunny came!

She gets a swimsuit every year in her Easter basket.

The girls on Easter Sunday.

Daddy & Madi

Matt, my brother, and me. I made him smile.

Madi Moment Monday: Words of Wisdom

Happy Monday everyone! This is going to be one of my favorite Madi Moment Monday's ever.

Sunday, after church, I asked Madi what she learned. She told me she learned that "Jesus died for me." Hearing her say those words, with a smile on her face, and knowing she knows the meaning of those words just makes me the happiest, proudest mom ever.

Justin talked to her more about it and she told me later that Jesus died for her so she could go to heaven and He died for the bad things we do. Wow! It is powerful reading it in the Bible but hearing it from a 3 year old is just a whole new level!

I am so thankful for a church that teaches kids about Jesus while making it exciting and fun! Madi's favorite place to go is church and she wants to tell everyone about it. How cool is that? If you live in South Carolina, I encourage you to take your kids and yourself to a NewSpring service. You won't regret it!!

Well, that's my MMM for the week. Truly one of the best!!

What things did your kids say this week?