This Season.

I can't be the only mom who feels this way.

Wake up. Take care of kids. Go to work. Take care of kids. Clean the house. Take care of kids. Go to sleep -- take care of kids -- go back to sleep. Repeat.

This morning I found myself wallowing in what is my life. I have no excitement. It feels so mundane. We are in the midst of potty training our 2.5 year old and the number of trips to the bathroom far exceed my 10,000 steps a day, I'm sure.

The laundry, the sweeping, the 40 hour a week job, the grocery shopping, the bathroom scrubbing - when does it end???? The whining, the clingy-ness, the neediness - when does it end??? I'll be the first to admit, I'm not one of those super emotional moms about my kids growing up. No judgement on those who are (I know I'm in the minority here), but I enjoy seeing my kids grow into their independence and complete their "firsts." BUT, as I sit here in my own self-pity, chocolate donut in hand, I realize something not so very profound -- this season shall pass. My husband pointed that out to me actually, so I can't take all the credit.

This season, too, shall pass. It's true. I may always have a house to clean, but maybe one day I can afford a house cleaner?? Or, how about, I'm just happy to HAVE a house to clean. Our daughter is not going to be clingy forever. She's not going to need me every minute of every day forever. She is not going to be screaming "I need to pee!" in the middle of a restaurant forever. (At least we hope not!)

So, as I finish my chocolate donut, I'm telling myself to enjoy these days. To get over the fact that my house looks like a bunch of slobs live there. To tell myself that I'm only human and isn't it more important that my kids are fed and bathed rather than my floors polished and dishes washed?

Maybe some moms can do it all. But I'm sure even they feel like they are inadequate in some area of their life. So, we need to stop trying to do it all. Stop eating the donut to indulge in our self-pity and realize that this season will pass and we will miss it. We will miss the chips grapes on the floor and we will wish we didn't have time to do the dishes the same day we used them.

You're doing a good job, mom. So hang in there. Life is only mundane if you let it be mundane.

Madi & Me

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Rock-A-By Baby along with back scratches have been part of my nightly routine for 6 years and 11 months. Tonight, Madi scratched MY back and sang ME those songs. That 2 minutes touched my heart in a way I can't really describe.

I post a lot about how difficult it is to raise my strong-willed child. I post a lot about our morning battles and our food drama. What I don't really parade enough is how blessed I am to be Madi's mommy. The truth is - Madi is exactly like I am. I would be surprised if she wasn't. She and I have been together pretty much constantly since she was born. We do everything together. We understand each other. And because of that we do butt heads from time to time. Sometimes more often than I would like and sometimes on days I just don't feel up to handling it; but, at the end of the day I always thank God (or intend to) for blessing me with such an amazing little girl.

And despite many articles read and opinions heard, I'm glad I still sing my little girl to sleep because those are moments I will cherish forever.

Tonight at dinner

Nights like tonight.

Nights like tonight make crying in the bathroom completely worth the pain.

Madi & I were both feeling lethargic and just not all that well this evening. As soon as we got home, I fixed her dinner and let her eat it in my bed while we watched a Barbie Mermaid movie. After she ate, we played Disney Guess Who and then she spent some time alone in her room while I ate dinner. Later, she joined me on the couch to watch Love It or List It (yes, the HGTV show!) and then I cuddled in her bed with her to put her to sleep.

She cried when I didn't let her sleep in my room but it was such an innocent, sweet cry. She just wanted her mama. I held her close and just assured her I'd be here. I told her how much I love her. That is the most important thing, I've found, to do - tell your children you love them all the time. Even if you think they know - say it anyway.

Those moments of feeling her chest go up and down on mine are what motherhood feels like. She makes my life so much more and I thank God for her every night.

No one told me...

When I decided to have children, no one told me there would be times that I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry.

I've done that today. Quite a bit today actually. This whole single parent thing is TOUGH. Any one who has the option to share this task of raising a kid should totally succumb to that. 

I'm used to having my mom around to help me but she's been gone all weekend. I really can't imagine how moms with truly no one else to help handle it. And with more than one kid? Oh my gosh I'd just die. 

Of course there are plenty of good times with M but days like today make me get on my knees and pray. I prayed for patience. I prayed to be a better mother. I mean good moms don't have kids who sass them or pull on their legs and bang on their bedroom door even though mommy said 5 times that MOMMY needs a time out, right?? Right?

So. Today is a struggle. It's a struggle that I don't have someone to pass the parenting off to so that I can cool down. It's a struggle that I don't always know exactly what to do in these situations. It's a struggle that I'm fuming mad but at the same time I'm worried that my child is going to bed with an empty stomach.

First and foremost, I'm her mother. Good days and bad days, I love her to the moon and back and would do ANYTHING on this earth to protect her. But right now, she has to hurt in order to learn a lesson and I have to hurt because I'm teaching her a lesson.

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow may have tears and it may not. But it will have love because we always forgive each other…after all, I'm the meanest mom in the world remember?